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A Dichotomous Passing |
Creative writings of MAYRA•YADIR, an artist who writes & a writer who practices art. Site includes resources & inspiration for creative writers seeking to expand and cultivate their creativity and stretch further their self expression.
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A Dichotomous Passing

I was told of your transition …

… and in spite of our years of distance and discord, the news of your passing was a sucker punch to my gut nonetheless.

For a moment, the arid well — the one void of all tears and feeling towards you — swelled up in a sudden surge of sadness and loss. Yet the emptiness brought forth by the grays of your death now cakes onto the thick crust of emptiness I felt about you in vibrant life.

For just a spell …

… my disdain and disillusionment gave way to the rich love I once felt for you so long ago — when I thought you were what time proved you were not, nor would ever be.

Still, I can’t deny the sully of your stain upon my life.

Your marks are go too deep to erase; and too deep to want to remember.

But inescapably …

… your presence is bolted onto the very fabric of my being — a place perhaps neither of us ever wanted you to hold yet one we both know you will as I continue attempting to make some kind of life for myself in this beautifully shattered world.

So while you may very well be gone …

… I know I’ll never be rid of, or apart from, you;

because you sear on in my memories, a sobering fact I worked to accept the years you were living — and one I’ll continue working to accept now that you’ve moved on without even so much as saying goodbye.

All that remains between us …

… is the despicable irony roiling within my crumpled heart … the flaring dichotomy that will perhaps burn on ’til my own last breath …

… and that’s this ugly fact: in spite of your wickedness, I still loved you.

Even worse, ** I LOVE YOU STILL. **

Though I don’t want to, I know I always will.

And that stark truth shall be the bane of my existence … now and forever more.

Rest in loving peace.